Thursday, May 11, 2006

Travel Stories- San Francisco

No caption needed here.

Anarchist graffiti is everywhere. Is this lazy outline supposed to be Africa?

Do Not Enter (Capitalists) Parking.

Misplaced drugs on the street.

As I'm sure most of you know, California is filled with crazy people. Some of those hyper intellectual children I mentioned before come from dark-humored fatalistic parents, the kind that joke with children as if they're adults.

A Scene in Chinatown
A toddler lies down on the sidewalk while his father looks at a fruit stand.

Dad: You can't do that... people have to get by!

The child cries as the dad yanks him to his feet.

Dad: You're not functioning!

The child cries more.

Yeah I know, I know, you can tell your therapist about it later.

Inside a Book Store
A hippie with dreadlocks, a large backpack, and a huge, three-foot-wide carved wooden bowl enters.

Hippie: Is there anywhere where I can check this?

Store Clerk: Oh yes, bowls go right back here.

Hippie: Thanks.

The noise of bells and chanting grows outside. Customers look out the windows as a parade of Hari Krishnas walks down the street.

An Art Exhibit in a Buddhist Church
A monk's strangely colored spray foam art fills the inside of a Buddhist Church. A woman with a floor length black Matrix-style robe follows/stalks visitors to answer questions and prevent vandalism. She is both enthusiastic and brainwashed. A giant Buddha statue is in the back of the room. Offerings in front of the statue include dates, perfume, and five pound box of Triscuits.

Robed Woman: The mist has been in this statue for over two years, see? You can compare it to this version, it has no mist. The master made this one to show that the mist was intentional. This is both simple and complex. As a whole it's simple and there are simple parts here and then here it's complex. It's complex and simple.

At Chez Panisse
Saturday evening at a very famous restaurant. The patrons favor $300 fancy dress-up jeans and white, crisp looking shirts. No one is too formal even though they had to make a reservation at least a month in advance. The desert menu includes Jim Cherchill's Pixie Tangerines and Barhi Dates. A man and a woman dine at a corner table.

Woman: Excuse me, tell me what is special about these tangerines.

Waiter: This is the only place on earth where you can get them.

Her dining companion silently mouths "motherf*cker"

A Tourist Shop in Santa Cruz
The shop is filled with large wooden bears carved from redwood stumps. An old couple uses spray varnish on the pieces outside. The old man likes to engage customers with 20+ minutes of rabid conversation. The old woman usually disappears after three to five minutes. Some sample dialogue includes:

"Hey, I don't remember not existing, so who should say I won't be here when the sun explodes ten million years from now?"

No comments: